With the housing bubble and the financial uncertainty of our country’s future many Americans have once again started living with their extended family. There are certainly times when living with your extended family can help your financial life; lower bills, an alternative to expensive childcare and the possibility to save money. However, it is also important to consider the cons that living with your extended family may bring; resentment, differences in lifestyle choices and too much disposable income.
While my wife and I have not lived with our extended family as adults, we have both experienced it as children. I’ve also asked friends and family who are currently living with members of their extended family the pros and cons that come with this living arrangement. Through these discussions and experiences I have learned a few of the pros and cons associated with living with your extended family.
The Pros of Living With Your Extended Family
Support Network
One of the biggest benefits of living with your extended family is that you have a support network to help you out when times are tough. This can be especially beneficial if you have small children. For example, living with a retired grandparent or family member who works opposite shifts as you could help tremendously when a child is sick or if you find yourself in need of a babysitter. If you find yourself in need of completing a task there are extra hands and eyes to watch over and keep the children company.
Financial Benefits
Other benefits of living with extended family are financial in nature. Your mortgage/rent can be divided by more people, thus reducing your monthly payment. By having a lower monthly payment you may have the ability to save more or put more money towards debt repayment. Another option is that you can buy/rent a house in a more costly neighborhood. By doing this you may have access to better schools and amenities that you otherwise would not be able to afford on your own.
Bringing Family Closer
There are times when it can be difficult to find the time to get together with families. Christmas, birthdays and other holidays may be the only time some families are able gather. However, when you live with your extended family, you have a chance to see your family everyday. Young members of the family gain the opportunity to learn from their elders. At the same time, grandparents, aunts and uncles have the opportunity to bond with their grandchildren, nieces and nephews.
The Cons of Living With Your Extended Family
Loss of Independence
If you find yourself living with family members with children you may find yourself babysitting. While it may not seem like much of an inconvenience at first, over time you may find that it is expected rather than requested. This can grow into resentment and can cause tension in relationships.
Another way you may lose your independence is if you move into an extended family member’s house. When moving into someone’s house, you may find yourself having to follow their rules. If their rules do not coincide with your lifestyle, you may find yourself in a situation where one of the family members begins to resent the other.
Disposable Income
From my own personal experience, too much of a disposable income can be dangerous to your personal finances. There are times when a parent or child will allow a family member(s) to move into their house completely bill free with the expectation that the family member(s) will save money to buy a house or pay down debt. However, sometimes the family member(s) ends up not behaving financially responsible and instead finds themselves with a large disposable income. In the end, the family member who was supposed to save money ends up with more stuff than they had with nothing saved up/paid down.
Have a Gameplan
If you are considering the possibility of living with your extended family sit down and carefully think through the pros and cons. Ask yourself why you want to enter this situation. If it’s for one party to save money, then sit down and setup a system so that the goal is achieved. Also, make sure there are boundaries. If your children and grandchildren are moving in make sure they know what is to be expected. If you don’t want to become a live in nanny then ground rules need to be setup. It’s important to have these rules in place before you move in together because if you wait until afterwards, you may find that the situation won’t work.
Have you ever found yourself living with your extended family? What pros/cons did you find?
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I have not lived with extended family and haven’t really considered it. I guess I just never found myself in a situation (even as a child) where we had extended family living in our home.
DC @ Young Adult Money recently posted..15 Giveaways for Friday!
These are good things to consider. Too many people either romanticize this or decide that it is automatically demeaning. It’s definitely a good idea to figure out how it will work if it’s something you’re going to do.
Pamela recently posted..Friday blogaround
You’re right Pamela. It’s usually portrayed as being one extreme or the other.
Good post! I lived with my in-laws while I was engaged to my wife and it was definitely an experience to say the least. I think this used to be much more common decades ago, but now I think it’s less common for families to be so physically close to each other.
John S @ Frugal Rules recently posted..Frugal Friday: Blog Posts That Ruled This Week, 100 Posts Edition
Yes I agree John. Although in recent years it has picked up because of the poor economy.
Definitely full of pros and cons. At this point in my life, it is worth rent money to me to ensure I preserve my relationship with my inlaws! We were looking to move to the city that they live in and it was an option to stay there for a few months while we sorted things out. I don’t think that it would be doable. We get along just fine now, but it’s not worth risking!
Anne @ Unique Gifter recently posted..Honeymoon Gift Basket Ideas
That’s a good way to look at it Anne. Living with your in-laws can be great or it could strain a relationship. It’s important to think this through before considering moving in.
I am way too independent to accept that kind of living arrangement, although with kids, and a separate, independent living space, having a grandparent to watch them is kind of great. I wish my family were closer but not as much as wanting to live with them.
Pauline recently posted..Friday recap, one less loan and an easy tweet!
We only lived with extended family when Cheryl was pregnant with our twins. Because she was on bed rest and I was at work, my mother in law was able to check up on her.
It’s hard to live with extended family also because they have their own quirks. The older I get the more these drive me nuts after even staying at my parents or in-laws for a few days!
AverageJoe recently posted..Joe’s Top Movies of 2012
As long as there was plenty of space in the home, I’d have no problem living with my extended family for a period of time. While I value my independence, I also value saving money and having close relationships with my family.
KK @ Student Debt Survivor recently posted..Save a Life-Get a Prize
Yes before I moved to Canada I moved back home and I was fine with that. I had no problems, paid some rent and life went on. I saved some money but I also wasn’t there for months on end just a few months. I am close to my family and we all get on well. Sure I had to help out but it was just like old times, no big deal.
Canadianbudgetbinder recently posted..The Saturday Weekend Review #3 January – Are You Really A Mom?
I lived with family once I got back out of college for a couple of months while I waited for my lease to start. I am pretty close with my family, but that can test that closeness. I see the need for it for many people these days, unfortunately.
I smile when people immediately balk at the idea of living with family because that initially was my first reaction when proposed with the idea by my husband. Of course there are pros and cons but if all parties are able to dial down their egos & expectations it can work successfully. I currently live with my M.I.L. and we make it work just fine. It is for a definite period of time and she relies on our financial support in the interim as she is a senior living on a very low income. The plan is to purchase a home in the next 12-18 months so that we can have her with us in her own M.I.L. suite. This way we can save a lot more money faster for a solid 20% downpayment and she has the support of family members around her.
K.K. @ Living Debt Free Rocks! recently posted..Sunday High Fives!
These are excellent ideas. We have to consider the advantages and disadvantages first and foremost. The bottom line is to have a good game plan just as you suggested. Find out if it is beneficial to live with your extended family. Then, go ahead and make your decision. That may be the best option for all of us.
We may be doing this in the future to help out some family members – not for a while thankfully, but possibly within a year or so. Figuring out a way to make it fair financially while helping the family members get back on their feet will be the toughie I think.
eemusings recently posted..Sometimes we push people away when we need them the most
I come from the old country and that’s how many folks live – with extended family.